My thoughts on Phase Two of the novel that binds us? I have little to add that hasn’t already been laid out on these pages by previous, smarter readers. I do, however, suspect that Pella and Henry will have, at they very least, a romantic dalliance in the pages to come. The problem is that any plot turn that I can anticipate is likely too obvious by half, so part of me hopes this doesn’t come to pass. Besides, I have already developed an unhealthy interest in seeing Schwartz and Pella work things out to my satisfaction.
Anyhow, instead of regaling you with my lack of insight, I’m going to cast “The Art of Fielding: The Movie.” Since I’m but halfway through the book, I reserve the right to fire any and all cast members should circumstances dictate. For now, though, I decree the following:
Henry Skrimshander – Jesse Eisenberg
He’s gangly, awkward and withdrawn. I have no idea if he can feign the necessary athleticism, but that’s what body double David Eckstein is for.
Mike Schwartz – Chris Pratt
The unimpeachable CelebHeights.com tells me that Mr. Pratt is 6-foot-2. He also seems capable of thesis-beard growth and related bearishness.
Owen Dunne – Thomas Hobson
If Jeffrey Wright were, say, 15 years younger, I’d bestow my casting blessings upon him. Things as they are, however, I am mandating, in my Judge Lance Ito fashion, that Mr. Hobson be given the job. And, yes, my spawn inflicts Nick Jr.’s “Fresh Beat Band” upon me, which is why I’m familiar with Mr. Hobson’s work in the first place. So Hobson is the choice. Hobson’s choice. Ha!
Guert Affenlight – Victor Gerber
When I think of “accomplished third-generation cracker with sublimated homosexual longing,” I think of James Mason. But then I remember than James Mason is dead and also terribly British. So then I think of Victor Gerber.
Pella Affenlight – Greta Gerwig
Effortlessly attractive, smart, complicated without striving to appear so … Also, I believe I’m in love with her. Greta, that is, not Pella. Yet.
Genevieve (What’s her surname?) – Lisa Gay Hamilton
The hair works, as does the yoga-toned body. She also seems capable of playing a television anchor who is orders of magnitude more lucid than you’re garden-variety television anchor.
The floor is now open for complaints, well-mannered or otherwise.