Transcript, if you don’t speak robot:
Ted: Well, Eric, it is now baseball’s offseason. Are you ready for the Hot Stove season?
Eric: To be honest, no. I am not ready. I am still in a state of World Series hangover. But I am using this time to rethink my approach to the offseason, to consider how one best enjoys the rumor mill. I’m asking myself, is hanging onto every last Jon Heyman eyebrow flicker, Ken Rosenthal bow tie tug, unsourced tweet, a rewarding and self-realizing process?
Ted: On the contrary, I’m excited to focus all my attention on Cliff Lee as he rocks away in his rocking chair on the outskirts of some Arkansas town, evading questions about the Nationals while he caresses the pelt of his latest kill. Who needs the metropolitan world centers, with all of their commerce and noise pollution, when you can track Jon High man as he searches for a Wi Fi connection. But seriously, a world series hangover is a good thing. I was amazed how quickly the news cycle turns to free agents. I mean, Brian Wilson’s beard hasn’t even dried out yet.
Eric: Are you? I think instead of watching Cliff Lee’s every movement this offseason, I am going to strive for something even more ambitious: I want to embody Cliff Lee. I want to go at the offseason with an easy precision and chill attitude he demonstrates on the mound; I want to act as though nothing matters a wit even though deep in my heart, somewhere, I know the stakes are high. Or to use a baseball cliche, I want to let the game come to me. Speaking of baseball cliches, how about that Joe Morgan?
Ted: Joe Morgan is proud of your hard-nosed approach to the offseason. That’s how he will approach his recently elevated role in meal preparation at the old homestead. If he doesn’t show up on TV somewhere, I admit I will miss him, the way I miss Full House after school: it wasn’t good, but it was there. Who is this Hersh hizer fellow, anyway?
Eric: Ten ex-Dodger pitchers I would rather listen on Sunday Night Baseball than Orel Hershiser: Tom Candiotti, Eric Gagne, Pedro Martinez, Ramon Martinez, Chan Ho Park, Scott Radinsky, John Wetteland, Mike Fetters, Hoyt Wilhelm, and of course Fernando Valenzuela.