Legal Eagles Circle Bud

My sister is a badass law student, and she just sent me a link to a law studenty blog called Above the Law. (I would make a poor lawyer because a) I’m already tired of using the word “law” and b) all I can think of right now is when Sly Stallone as Judge Dredd says “I am the law.” Law law law.)

Anywho, one enterprising Facebook person who has some knowledge of the law took it upon himself to conjure up a “solution” to the Armando Galarraga blown-call imperfect game scenario. Above the Law goes into mad detail about it in this post: Free Legal Advice for MLB Commissioner Bud Selig.

The basic idea is to amend the rule book to give the official scorekeeper the power to change an umpire’s call in the very specific circumstances of Galarraga’s game, ie. when it’s a blown call on the second to last batter of a perfect game when the temperature is between 74 and 76 degrees and the moon is in the fourth quadrant of Jupiter. Functionally, based on the laws of probability and whatnot, I’m guessing the circumstances wouldn’t occur again before the sun explodes, so bing-bang-boom, Galarraga gets his perfect game and baseball trundles forward none the worse for wear.

This strikes me as a very lawyerly way to attack the problem. Rule switches and 24-hour deadlines and (i) nd (ii) and AMEND this and that, etc. My impatience for such labyrinthine solutions only reinforces the stinging message that my LSAT scores already delivered.

So instead of cajoling the legalese and manipulating the rule book, here’s my solution: Bud Selig tapes a big triangular S to his chest, grabs an oversized novelty gavel, calls a press conference on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and brings the universe back into order with a simple declaration warbled through hillside. Jim Joyce, with that mustache, makes for a great villain. They could cart him off in a strait jacket for the theater of it.

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