PnP’s Ill-Advised Prognistications: 2009 World Series Edition

Here at Pitchers and Poets, we make little claim to insider baseball knowledge, tireless analysis, or sabermetric wizardry. As such, we’re about as qualified to break down a series as we are to fix the hitch in Alfonso Soriano’s swing or repair the windshield wipers on your Saab. But if we let a lack of insight or knowledge stop us, we wouldn’t be here today.

So on with the World Series predictions!

Zoltar from Big

Yankees:

Hero

Eric: As much A-Rod harping as I’ve done this postseason, I think this series comes down to the bottoms of the orders. This, to me, is where the Yankees really separate themselves. I think Robinson Cano will do something crazy and awesome. He was almost as good with the bat as Utley this year.

Ted: C.C. Sabathia will win a couple of games in a dominating fashion. He’s riding the wave of new vitality a year gone from the Brewers sending him out three nights a week to throw 13 innings at a time.

Goat

Eric: I really don’t trust AJ Burnett in any situation. That includes our personal lives.

Ted: Any Yankees reliever whose cousin isn’t Ruben Rivera.

Etc.

Eric: Before the series is over George Steinbrenner will emerge from his cavernous hiding space and make headlines by accusing Ryan Howard of rampant steroid use.

Ted: In the bottom of the ninth of the seventh game, down by a run with a man on first and two outs, the Yankees will send out their secret pinch-hitter: Joe Torre.

George Steinbrenner

Phillies:

Hero

Eric: Jayson Werth continues to be one of baseball’s most underrated players. He is so tall, and his soul patch is so strong, that there’s really no stopping him. I expect Werth to hit a home run off Joba Chamberlain in a key late-inning situation.

Ted: Ryan Howard’s offseason nutritional regimen doesn’t get as much pub as The Petit Prince’s vegetarianism, but Ryan’s slim, trim, and energized enough to keep slugging away. He is the star, and he will continue to be the star for the Phillies. Big fella hit a triple; anything is possible.

Jayson Werth

Goat

Eric: Charlie Manuel, who in another life could have been a paternalistic judge or attorney in a John Grisham novel, will do something silly. He’ll probably leave Pedro Martinez in a game too long. Managers do that against the Yankees.

Ted: BRAD LIDGE BRAD LIDGE BRAD LIDGE.

Etc.

Eric: Shane Victorino will be awkwardly mistaken for a male escort while wandering through the lower east side. A hilarious sitcom-like outcome will ensue.

Ted: Disapproving of Nick Swisher’s childish antics and lack of respect, Puritanical southpaw Cliff Lee will bean him in the lower back. Lee will later refer to the pitch as The Two-Seamer of Almighty Retribution.

Overall:

Eric: As I said in the NY Daily News interview: Yankees in six, A-Rod hits 11 homers.

Ted: The Yankees won in seven games two weeks ago. Derek Jeter hit 6,000 pitches the opposite way, forcing a reversal of the earth’s orbit and sending us all back in time. Welcome to the future.

Derek Jeter

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3 Responses to PnP’s Ill-Advised Prognistications: 2009 World Series Edition

  1. Adah says:

    In other world series type news, Middlebury won the Quidditch World Cup this past weekend, beating Emerson. Too late to prognosticate . . . this year.

  2. Derek Jeter hit 6,000 pitches the opposite way, forcing a reversal of the earth’s orbit and sending us all back in time. Welcome to the future.

    Very nice, guys. Good one.

  3. Eric says:

    drunken vanity comment: two jayson werth homers and an a-rod jack in a yankee win. who da man?