Monthly Archive for September, 2009

Celebrity Rogue #13: Glenn Stout — No SOB — Puts On His Crap Cap

RBI_rogue marketing post_enos slaughtersAnd so begins the long goodbye. This is our last celebrity contribution, and it’s with pride that we introduce a pair of terms by Glenn Stout, author and editor of the Best American Sports Writing series, but more importantly a mensch whoembodies the Rogue’s cunning knack for the humor in baseball’s minutiae. His terms take us to places familiar, but never-quite previously stated, and will leave you, we promise, with a whole new way to tease Joe Buck.

The SOB

The SOB is the son of a broadcaster. Since the late 1980s The Golden Throats of baseball broadcasting enacted the peerage system. Since that time baseball broadcasting jobs, like belly fat, male pattern baldness, and alcoholism, have generally been passed from father to son.

No other talent is required.

The Crap Cap

This is the cap you wear when doing crappy, sweaty dirty jobs that will otherwise ruin your good cap, such as changing the oil, running a chain saw, cleaning a sludge pit, caring for a baby, nursing lepers, cleaning up after a dog with a stomach virus, etc. It is a cheap, cotton, non-regulation cap of a) a team neither you nor anyone else really cares about [ see Padres, San Diego], b) a team you detest beyond all logic that you wear solely for purposes of defilement [New York residents, see Red Sox, Boston. New England residents, see Yankees, New York. All other residents of the continental U.S., see both], or c) your favorite team, but given away as a promotional item, usually with a cardboard brim or in a horrific “painter’s cap” edition, also often sporting the corporate logo of the company that thought it was good marketing to give away a cheap-ass, lousy cap.

Alright folks, it’s been fun posting these definitions these past five business days. But now,we’re afraid it’s time for a return to regular content. In the meantime, the Rogue’s Baseball Index will live on, growing constantly. Seriously. Feel free to visit it many times per day, tell your friends, dress up as the rogue in public, etc. There will be RBI updates here when applicable too.

Thanks to you for reading, and a big thanks to our baker’s dozen of fine contributors.

Celebrity Rogue #12: James McManus’s Ozzie Guillen

The Rogue's Baseball Dictionary - Arguing the Call

It might surprise you that the latest RBI term comes from writer Jim McManus, a devout White Sox fan, but its content is no shocker to the rest of us. This time out, McManus is preaching truth about some revisionist history.

Ozzie Guillen

A supposedly solid player and student of the game who was actually an inconsistent shortstop and banjo hitter with a big mouth–and an even bigger strike zone–during his once promising but ultimately forgettable career.

McManus is the author of numerous kick-ass books, including Positively Fifth Street and Physical: An American Checkup. His latest, Cowboys Full: The Story of Poker, hits stores in late October.

Celebrity Rogue #11: Drew aka Lloyd the Barber’s Caroms Cosmic and Chins Hidden

RBI_rogue marketing post_joe morganOur 11th celebrity rogue is a double-duty blogger, over at Blue Jay-themed Ghostrunner on First, and seafood  on treadmills themed Walkoff Walk (anybody notice the WoW sandwich today?). His passions, besides Vernon Wells, include deep analysis of the strange body language that accompanies major league defense.

The Cosmic Carom

When an infielder responds to missing a grounder through the legs via a bad bounce by staring dejectedly to the heavens, as if to blame the orbiting moon and prevailing gravities for affecting the path of the ground ball. The head back, wide-legged stare is held long enough to convey victimhood, but just short of interrupting regular cutoff-man duties for fear of angering the baseball gods further.

Similar to I’m At A Loss, as both events are tragic outcomes born from the routine.

See also:

The Hidden Chin

The outfield equivalent of the Cosmic Carom, the yin tot the I’m At A Loss yang. With a runner on second base, an outfielder charges a base hit with “outfield assist” on his mind. Should thoughts of unloading the canon supersede thoughts of fielding the batted ball, the Hidden Chin will result. The ball sneaks under the fielders glove, rolling unmolested to the fence. The fielder stops, turns, and sprints head down to retrieve.

Tomorrow, alas, marks the end our Rogue Parade. We’ll bring you terms termed up by men who have written actual books — not just on the internet, but on paper. As always, for more, see the Rogue’s Baseball Index.

Celebrity Rogue #10: Phil Bencomo’s Timely “Flubs”

RBI_rogue marketing post_there's no IPhil Bencomo of The Baseball Chronicle brings a little Chicago flavor to the Rogue’s Baseball Index.  No, not Italian Beef or Chicago-style Pizza. More to do with that goddamn north-side baseball team.

Flubs

A derogatory nickname for the Chicago Cubs, used typically by Cubs fans after witnessing losses and poor play. Almost always accompanied by a long, mournful sigh, an exasperated look of defeat and a curse word lightly tinged with rage.

Sample usage: “Looks like the goddamn Flubs showed up today…”

Si quieres leer mas del Rogue’s Baseball Index, hay bastante aqui mismo.

Celebrity Rogue #9: Kris ‘Catshirt’ Liakos of Walkoff Walk Serving Up a Creampuff

RBI_rogue marketing post_read above a texas league levelThe Rogue’s go marching on as we introduce to you a term by philosopher and scribe Kris Liakos of Walkoff Walk. His term is pure WoW, and reminds me of that time he emailed me during the first week of Pitchers and Poets’ meager existence  with the headline “Who the fuck are you guys?”

Creampuff

Creampuff (n), Kr-eem-puff: The baseball player equipped with all necessary tools aside from a functioning body. Clearly meant to play baseball by virtue of his status as a major leaguer, a level not reached by just any dope, his nemesis is the very vessel that got him there. Creaks, cracks, aches and breaks accompany the Creampuff around the bases as often as his cleats. For him, the infield hit isn’t a hustle play, it’s a stupid move that taunts a heretofore healthy hamstring. He knows it, the manager knows it, the hamstring knows it, and you do too.

Notable Creampuffs include:

  • Rich Harden
  • Mike Hampton
  • Milton Bradley

For more of such wisdom see the Rogue’s Baseball Index.

Celebrity Rogue #8: Corban Goble of Epilogue Magazine Heats Things Up

RBI_rogue marketing post_two cleatsCorban Goble, editor of the silky smooth Epilogue Magazine,  brings us two terms this afternoon, representing the opposite ends of a man’s social spectrum. First a term for the kind of guy you know too well, and never want to become . Second, a modern spin on an ancient metaphor.

The Refugee Fan

There are a handful at every game. A transplanted Northsider obstinately donning his deep blue Cubs jersey at an Orioles-White Sox doubleheader. That guy wearing a Dimaggio jersey perched behind the Rockies’ dugout. The fan that resisted wearing anything else in their entire wardrobe in order to make a resonant statement while attending the cathedral of another man’s religion, resolute to fly their flag in any company. Perhaps they’ll speak openly about their childhoods (the Cardinals are my father’s favorite team, RIP) or allude to some vague pastoral. Oh, and they’re usually jerks.

Babermetrics

Babermetrics is the general study of collecting, analyzing, and deciphering deep hook-up related stats typically ignored by the mainstream, far too concerned with base-counting and “home runs” rather than consistency and other critical components of hooking up with girls. Notable babermetrics statistics include Bar Factor, The College Coefficient, and VORB (value over replacement barfly).

For more of these gems be sure to hit up the Rogue’s Baseball Index.

Celebrity Rogue #7: EastWindupChronicle Brings 3 New Terms from Asian Baseball

The Rogue's Baseball Index - Moustache Rides Will Cost you Two Verbs
Aaron of East Windup Chronicle brings us today’s Celebrity Rogue terminology. Being the Asian-centered baseball blog that they are, these EWC contributions have a certain overseas flair.

The Nervous Lee

When a Korean baseball manager, attempting to play match-ups, changes relief pitchers four or more times in a single half inning.

The Taipei Sizzle

The Taipei Sizzle is the practice of fixing baseball games in the Chinese Professional Baseball League during the early to mid part of the 21st century.

Pocket Crayon Washing Machine

In Japanese baseball, when a colorfully dressed mascot celebrates a home run by doing back flips all the way down the third base line alongside the hitter.

For more of these gems, visit the Rogue’s Baseball Index and make your mother proud.

Celebrity Rogue #6: Steve Weddle of DoSomeDamage with “The Joe Morgan Triple Play” and “The McCarverism”

The Rogue's Baseball Index - the best dictionary on two cleats

Poet, novelist, newspaperman and friend of PnP, Steve Weddle, of DoSomeDamage.com, brings us the latest Celebrity Rogue, in which he investigates the more perplexing side of the logic-miasma that is baseball broadcasting.

The Joe Morgan Triple Play

The Joe Morgan Triple Play is the stating of an idea three times without being interrupted by a single thought.

A good base stealer should make the whole infield jumpy. Whether you steal or not, you’re changing the rhythm of the game. If the pitcher is concerned about you, he isn’t concentrating enough on the batter.” – Joe Morgan

The McCarverism

McCarverism, named in honor of broadcast legend Tim McCarver, is either the most obvious or most oblivious statement that can be made during a game.

Example of the familia obvious in which Tim McCarver explains why the fifth and deciding game of a best of five series has more pressure: “No, the fifth game of the first round is the worst, the most pressure, … That ranks No. 1 because of the difference of the three-out-of-five format and the season. You play 162 games to play three-out-of-five. The disparity between the two is the reason it makes such an impact.”

Example of the familia oblivious in which McCarver, well, who knows: “If he’d been around 75 years ago, George Gershwin would have written about him ‘the way you wear your hat, the way you raise your knee.’”

For more of these gems, check out The Rogue’s Baseball Index.

Celebrity Rogue #5: Evan aka HighLeveragePerformer — “For His Career”

RBI_rogue marketing post_wambsganssThis afternoon’s Rogue Term was written by our  friend Evan aka HighLevelPerformer,  of the inimitable Astros blog The Crawfish Boxes. So sit down, kick up your feet, and take a break from speculating about the likelihood of Jim Fregosi manning the Houston bench in 2010. Instead, enjoy this term describing a phenomenon that is as nonsensical as it is ubiquitous in both its gamely application and announcerly utilization.

For His Career

This is a term utilized by play by play broadcasters to take note of a batter-pitcher interaction that is currently in progress, juxtaposing any past confrontations the two players may have had with the one going on presently. The point of the For His Career notation is to give the listener an indication of what will happen, just before it actually does. As a general rule, the actual number of past interactions, whether it be 8 at bats or 9, does not impact a broadcaster’s utilization of the For His Career. See also, Small Sample Size.

Example:

Play by play announcer: “For his career, Teddy Ballsmacker is 1/1 against Horatio Inningseater.”

Color Commentator: “Ooooohhh…with a history likes that, Inningseater is going to have a tough time getting out of this pickle.”

Celebrity Rogue #4: Reeves Wiedeman of Meanderings introduces “Those Fountains”

RBI_rogue marketing post_jock strapOur cleanup hitter in this parade of celebrity rogue contributors is Reeves Wiedeman, checker of facts, and sharer of ideas at his blog Meanderings. Reeves has also written for real newspapers such as the Boston Globe. His term, while rooted firmly in the Kansas City of his youth, sprays water and wisdom on baseball stadiums of all geographies.

Those Fountains

A stadium feature that comes to define a baseball team in the public consciousness more than its on-field performance (i.e. those fountains in the outfield of Kansas City’s Kaufman Stadium). The term is most often used when the team in question stinks, and thus its on-field performance is a subject to be avoided. One exception of note is “That Big Green Wall,” which will in perpetuity overshadow any success had by the Boston Red Sox.

Contemporary synonyms include:

-Those Kayakers In Right Field
-The Swimming Pool
-That Sign That Used To Tally Cal Ripken’s Consecutive Games
-The Rally Monkey

Example in conversation:

Royals fan to Yankees fan: “So, Jeter and the Boys are really pickin’ it up this year, huh?” Yankees fan to Royals fan: “So, Those Fountains are nice, huh?”

For maximum navigatability, be sure to hit up the Rogue’s Baseball Index.